Relationships between husband & wife [part 2]

Spouse's relationship [part 2]

Marriage is a union of body, mind and soul. Before marriage you have complete right over your body but now, only half the body belongs to you. The right side of the wife is the husband, and the left side of the husband is the wife.

The husband and wife are like the locomotive and the compartment. To function usefully in life both must be together. One is useless without the other. The husband and wife should always eat together, in the presence of each other.

The wife of the house must be always smiling and radiating Love. This is real beauty. Piling hair upon hair and doing fancy hair styles is not beauty.

Before marriage, the girl should love her parent as a daughter, after marriage, the girl should also regard her in-laws as her parents. To serve her parents in-law is her duty. Even though the wife has to obey her husband, she must exercise authority jointly with her husband. The wife must develop self-confidence, because of self-confidence is the basis and self-realization is the goal of life.

What is real love then?

Real Love is unconditional...

By unconditional we mean love, which does not demand anything back in return for that love. It is pure and unsullied by motives; it always gives, gives, and gives; never demanding anything back in return; there are no strings or conditions attached to this love. That is real love. Not only does this love not ask for anything in return, but continues to flow in spite of ingratitude or abuse. That is Real Love which never changes under any set of circumstances.

Love is a flow, a stream of spiritual matter, a fluid that flows continually like a fountain..... Love is not an explosion, but a continued emanation, a psychic radiation which proceeds from the lover to the beloved." Here, the beloved can be one's child, one's friend, one's spouse, one's parents or one's Creator. When it includes libidinal energy, the beloved becomes one's lover. But sexuality without the spiritual dimension, merely on an animal level is like comparing a hut to a castle.

Love lives by giving and forgiving,

Self lives by getting and forgetting...

The mind sees separateness, love sees unity....

'Love casts out fear!' 1 John 4:18

The above information are taken from a divine source... finding it useful and meaningful, I would also like to share with all of you for a better understanding.

When the husband and the wife accepts each other as life-partners, vowed to stay with each other, be it rain or shine, thereof we are committed to stay together. Of course, with love as the main ingredient of the family, all things will turn out nice and happy. But sad to say, too many people aren't as committed as should be. I am not going to talk too much on its negative sides

Think twice.... I used to share this short story.

When two lovers come together to marry, they are building up a family. It is like building a house. A few kids will fill up the house, making it noisy and dirty. If the roof of the house starts leaking, what will the father do? Leave it to deteriorate or throw the house away and go to build another new house? The answer is NO! The father will find means to mend the house because the whole family lives in it.

Likewise, if in the case when a man's marriage is breaking, one needs not throw away this marriage and aims to start another new family! Whose house will not leak? Whose marriage is guaranteed to be built only on roses, milk and honey? There is a way out, to solve it by 'mending', to save the marriage. There is this urgent need for mending, not leaving the marriage to die..... because there are kids! Don't be the creator of miseries and sufferings for your own kids. Never..ever think of it!

Some useful tips for maintaining a happy spouse relationship

[1] Live the law of love. Refrain from saying unkind or negative things... It is most often when a partner harbours hate and revenge deep inside their heart for a certain period of time that widens the gap of misunderstanding. I do feel that sometimes angry or unkind words are spoken when someone is angry or provoked. I presume that these wrong remarks are said without a true intention. Angered phrases never make any sense! Nobody dares say that he or she can remain calm when provoked. To remain unprovoked is really a skill that all of us have to learn.

[2] Assume the best of each one another.... No comparison please. This is one of the 'killer' that injects poisonous venom into an immature partner and will be killed' by jealousy. So, it is advisable not to evoke old pains and wounds by reminding each other of negatives. Learn to assume the best of each other...

[3] love lives by giving and forgiving, self lives by getting and forgetting... Giving and forgiving..... giving is comparatively easier that forgiving one's faults or sins. But true love means forgiving and forgetting. Be erased of wounds and stale tales... after all, all of us learn through mistakes. Provided one is working hard towards an improvement, provided one is genuine enough, we should learn to forgive and forget.

[4] speak softly and do things quietly this is a virtue, a virtue for all ladies and mothers. Too many a times they that at one time were lovers, but after becoming mothers have changed from a meek kitten to an aggressive tigress! We do understand the emotional changes that takes place to these women, of their untold sufferings, suppressed hurts and roles expected of them, that these women are also stressed. Shouting and screaming are sometimes their only ways to release their stress...but think twice! Negative effects would be doubled, seen or unseen. One can imagine the negative impact it would make to their young, their parents-in-laws and their husbands.

[5] Be attentive to minor changes or needs. Women are actually born to be more sensitive to changes or needs of the family. Maximize your talents and make sure that you can shoot down the problems before it really started to create any disturbances.

[6] learn to mix with fun and jokes when partaking in the routine work. A joyous and humorous wife or mother will be very much treasured in a home. Be smiling always, a sweet smile adorns the face means so much more than any lipsticks or flowers.

[7] Master the skill to cook well, feed the husband, kids and parent-in-laws. A hungry man is always an angry man! Heard of this? Try to put in special skills to add smiles to their faces when serving lunch or dinner. Always give them pleasant surprises once in a while. Cook nutritious, delicious healthy food for the family. Be health-conscious and be budget-wise. One shouldn't be a spendthrift too. Think of the one who sweats to make ends meet.

[8] Be understanding and be a good listener in times of sharing. Learn how to massage away each other's tiredness. Learn how to dis-stress each other. Bring in fun, even as parents. [9] Don't live in suspicion. Don't exaggerate a negative word or a meaningless action. Don't push things over the wall. Be patient to achieve

[10] Be presentable, looking clean and robust. no husband wants to see a dirty, tired, and worried face after a hard day's work.

[11] A spouse should portray certain roles appropriate to spice up their love-life. Learn to lure, tempt your spouse that will keep your love afire with desires and needs. Sometimes can be posing as lovers, girl/boyfriends, partners, enchantress, flirting with each other and evoking another romance, passion too magical to believe or too hot to handle! There is nothing wrong in the awakening of such passion among spouses!.

[12] Be open-minded to accept new ideas. Both partners have to come to an agreement in taking up roles as wise parents, educating them as should be. Practise give and take, stand and sit, share and reap.... We should set good examples for children to follow, monkey see, monkey do...Bearing in mind that parents are the head of the family, so caution must be taken on the language we speak.....never underestimate the importance of proper and right influences,...the hands that rock the cradle rules the world....

[13] Solve disputes or disagreements away from the kids.

[14] Be just, but never demanding true justice. No emotions can be balanced on justice. You love me, so I love you... I love you, so you must love me! haha.... Can it be measured as fair and square? The 3 stages of love kindled emotions portrayed at different stages are not easily achieved, it is a journey, not a destination. It works hand in hand with patience and mutual understanding. From lovers to parents, from parents to grandparents living to old age as companions for life. Don't be misled by some romance stories and films where the heroes and heroines loved dramatically and lived on beds of roses.

[15] Be contented with what we have at hand. A bird in our hand is much better that many birds in the bushes. Don't be tempted by what looked better or seemed delicious, but stand firm and not swayed by temptations of flesh. 'A night of forbidden love, costed him his whole life imprisonment and death was what he got eventually!!' Samson regretted. Everyone knows this bible story.

[16] Go for holidays...family holidays can foster and bind family ties better... take a break whenever can be arranged....

The most perfect match is a deaf husband with a blind wife... agree or not? hahaha.....

Relationships between husband and wife...

Lucy's opinion on the importance to maintain a healthy and strong spouse relationship..[part 1]

"True love is long-suffering, patient, understanding and faithful in the awakening of the other's love'

"True love knows no barriers, no challenges, no flaws and it is always forgive and forget...."

"Give your heart to only one, but your smiles to everyone.'

This should be expected between husband and wife partnerships. To foster a relationship and to maintain it needs skills to do so. It is of quite importance that one should stay to be faithful to each other. It is a comforting feeling that the presence of children will always cement relationships among parents.

One should not regret for a choice one made in marriage. It has been fated that the two of them should come together to produce new offspring.. Marriage isn't a buying up a suit and after feeling bored with it, throw it away and buy another new one. If you have made the vow or choice, never regret. It is a decision made to last or else this world will be in chaos.

Knowing that a suit can get faded and old, it is the same for all ladies and gentlemen. No one will stay at 18 forever and no one can pick a perfect choice when infatuation or love shaded one from thinking proper at that young age! Love isn't built on beds of roses, it is not just milk and honey... or darling for ever, agreed? The coming together of 2 person that comes from 2 different worlds are facing many realities of life when they start to live together.

'Tolerance, patience, persistence, interdependence, confidence, trust, open-ness, win/win situations, are attributes that can build a relationship....

My mentor used to joke.... in this love thing, one always start from stranger to friend and then to lovers, but after marriage, it becomes the opposite. Now it is from lovers, cool friends, then to strangers...eventually leading to breakups. Why is it always like this? What has gone wrong? When one is in love, each can sacrifice almost anything to gain each other's love, but now it is just the opposite.

Familiarity breeds contempt? Bored? Discovered something? Unwilling to change? Too sophisticated? Stagnant/stale relationship? Language barrier? Body barrier? One is lagging behind? Discrimination? Too attached? Too much dependence? No money, no talk? Someone is more sexy? 3rd party? Love problems? Health problems? Lack of sexual desire? No comfort? Too unresponsive? Too naive? No electricity? His faults? His bad character? No brains? the lists will be too long to write...

I have come across many women in emotional distress, and never even dared to talk about their failure in their love-life and family, about love fading, being ,deceived, about being jilted, about being left cold, about being sandwiched in between another mistress, losing interest in sex life and poor health. Most of these women suffered in silence and seemed to hoard all these negatives in their heart and mind. These women are sometimes so stressed that they released their angers on their own babies. Just imagine, hurting physically or hurling hurting remarks to young children, their own kids and regretting later. We call that child abuse, this isn't a new issue, right?

How much more pitiful sights should one hear or see? How distressing it is to see these women being provoked and couldn't control their anger and hate? The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, heard this phrase? The young will be indirectly influenced by bad temper and be ill-treated with abusive, rough meaningless words. That is why the morals of modern world have corrupted due to the improper bringing up of distressed mothers and maids or amahs their children grew up with. Instead of their own mothers, they grow up with Indonesian maids or amahs, and eventually they talk and think like one...

Emotional balance for a wife or a mother is too important in the structuring or influencing of our next generations

. So, it again goes back to a happy family where the parents should be in good terms with each other. Parents should show good examples and lead the way to true happiness. Separations or divorces will be too hurting to each and everyone of the concerned.

Treat this relationship as a journey instead of a destination.... All of us starts from strangers budding to friends, then to lovers, then to parents, grandparents and even lying beside each other when cold and lifeless.......companions for this life and eternity. Ever thought of it? It has been fated as I have said.

I came across an old wise man who told me this. "Husband and Wife is one life!" This only phrase awaken in me a reality, an understanding that I thought never would be. This awakening becomes my answer to my problems... I came to understand that 'his is also mine, mine is also his....', his problems are also mine, his wrongs or rights are also mine. There is no escape. Never think of fair or not fair....

Yes, there is no escape on fair or not fair, or who is doing the lions share of work or anything..... Another wise old man told me too that if one demands justice in this topic of you love me, so I love you, you give, so I also give; you work, so I work.....there will never be any peace. Where is JUSTICE? Justice cannot be applied in 'male or female equal rights!' The more you fight, the more hurt it will bring.... the more sufferings will be there...

what is justice?????

J

- justice is justice never justified....you demand it, but you will never get it... A tooth for a tooth? haha....

U - Unity is divided when division is done upon what should be or must be instead of following the conscience in our heart where God dwells...

S - Sadness and sorrow will follow you when forums and fights for justice starts...

T - Tomorrow will be better? Will it? If you focus on fighting which is destroying instead of loving which is creating?

I - 'I' or 'Mine' always evoke ego, pride and prejudice when emphasized too much. One hurt will bring more hurts. Hurting so much that one would build a strong wall or fence as self-defence, and poor excuses that definitely are negative.

C - Cause and Result.... think before you speak and do, Watch out for our words, actions, thoughts, characters and hearts! Prevention is so much wiser than cure.....

E - Enough is enough. Stop before going any further in hurting and in revenge. Revenge is sweet but actually is 'living in hell!'

This husband and wife's love is a selfish love, but without it, there will be chaos. A perfect love between spouses will be proven when and where no third party can intrude or go in between them. An imperfect love will allow a third party to interrupt or is that an excuse for some? .

The power of love and sex should never be underestimated. It has moved mountains and created histories of victories and failures. Many heroes still fall onto the feet of beauties, losing fame, families and failing their missions. Too many heroes and heroines are attracted by outer beauty than inner beauty. Too many heroes and heroines preferred to be lured into the fantasies and wonders of forbidden love. The forbidden fruits too delicious to avoid. What can we do?

Who are we to say that they are wrong? Who are we to say that they shouldn't or couldn't do this or that? But it has been written in the 10 commandments that we shouldn't commit adultery. Not the bible only, but wise teachings too. A solid marriage is only solid when both partners agreed to keep it as an eternal bond, otherwise separation is too easy.

Keeping in mind that all humans have weaknesses. To err is human, to forgive is divine. To make mistakes or not to... sometimes this passion or love thing is too complicated to explain or expressed. The efforts put into untangling or disconnecting an affair or forbidden love needs tremendous strong will and determinations..... but for the sake of family happiness and togetherness, things must be solved for the sake of LOVE too.....

For all husbands and wives....

'Get out! you started it first! I don't want to listen! You are a liar!..... You cheated me!!!' plates and cups were flying all over the place..........the whole place was in a mess!

her kids started crying..........

Here is this couple who always argue on many things. At first they were talking softly...then louder... then fiercer.... and came thunder and rain! Their neighbours were quiet, trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong!

The spinster living next door comforted herself that she was right as not to marry! The boys carried on with their 'starwars'.... too much engrossed with their pc to even know what's happening!

Suddenly their father-in-law came out of the room... unshaved, shaken, disappointed and dragging his crippled leg... He was shaking his head and said..

'go ahead and fight! look at me, I have no one to talk to, no one to care, not one to say fight! Your mum has so long ago left me alone! if you are not to treasure the moments, you will regret!"

They stopped right on their tracks! Ashamed of what they did..... tears and sobs of shame and humility erupting from thier hoarse throats, sored from screaming and shouting... they knelt and asked for their father's forgiveness........... Be realized that love is all forgiving and caring...

It is perfectly normal for two person to have differences in tastes, needs, goals, dreams and actions, since they come from 2 different worlds... When a man finds a woman to marry, they are committed to live together and love each other to start a new family. That is why a man will leave his parents to do so.

Won't one be happier if one treats the other as if they were just married?