Relationships between husband and wife...

Lucy's opinion on the importance to maintain a healthy and strong spouse relationship..[part 1]

"True love is long-suffering, patient, understanding and faithful in the awakening of the other's love'

"True love knows no barriers, no challenges, no flaws and it is always forgive and forget...."

"Give your heart to only one, but your smiles to everyone.'

This should be expected between husband and wife partnerships. To foster a relationship and to maintain it needs skills to do so. It is of quite importance that one should stay to be faithful to each other. It is a comforting feeling that the presence of children will always cement relationships among parents.

One should not regret for a choice one made in marriage. It has been fated that the two of them should come together to produce new offspring.. Marriage isn't a buying up a suit and after feeling bored with it, throw it away and buy another new one. If you have made the vow or choice, never regret. It is a decision made to last or else this world will be in chaos.

Knowing that a suit can get faded and old, it is the same for all ladies and gentlemen. No one will stay at 18 forever and no one can pick a perfect choice when infatuation or love shaded one from thinking proper at that young age! Love isn't built on beds of roses, it is not just milk and honey... or darling for ever, agreed? The coming together of 2 person that comes from 2 different worlds are facing many realities of life when they start to live together.

'Tolerance, patience, persistence, interdependence, confidence, trust, open-ness, win/win situations, are attributes that can build a relationship....

My mentor used to joke.... in this love thing, one always start from stranger to friend and then to lovers, but after marriage, it becomes the opposite. Now it is from lovers, cool friends, then to strangers...eventually leading to breakups. Why is it always like this? What has gone wrong? When one is in love, each can sacrifice almost anything to gain each other's love, but now it is just the opposite.

Familiarity breeds contempt? Bored? Discovered something? Unwilling to change? Too sophisticated? Stagnant/stale relationship? Language barrier? Body barrier? One is lagging behind? Discrimination? Too attached? Too much dependence? No money, no talk? Someone is more sexy? 3rd party? Love problems? Health problems? Lack of sexual desire? No comfort? Too unresponsive? Too naive? No electricity? His faults? His bad character? No brains? the lists will be too long to write...

I have come across many women in emotional distress, and never even dared to talk about their failure in their love-life and family, about love fading, being ,deceived, about being jilted, about being left cold, about being sandwiched in between another mistress, losing interest in sex life and poor health. Most of these women suffered in silence and seemed to hoard all these negatives in their heart and mind. These women are sometimes so stressed that they released their angers on their own babies. Just imagine, hurting physically or hurling hurting remarks to young children, their own kids and regretting later. We call that child abuse, this isn't a new issue, right?

How much more pitiful sights should one hear or see? How distressing it is to see these women being provoked and couldn't control their anger and hate? The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, heard this phrase? The young will be indirectly influenced by bad temper and be ill-treated with abusive, rough meaningless words. That is why the morals of modern world have corrupted due to the improper bringing up of distressed mothers and maids or amahs their children grew up with. Instead of their own mothers, they grow up with Indonesian maids or amahs, and eventually they talk and think like one...

Emotional balance for a wife or a mother is too important in the structuring or influencing of our next generations

. So, it again goes back to a happy family where the parents should be in good terms with each other. Parents should show good examples and lead the way to true happiness. Separations or divorces will be too hurting to each and everyone of the concerned.

Treat this relationship as a journey instead of a destination.... All of us starts from strangers budding to friends, then to lovers, then to parents, grandparents and even lying beside each other when cold and lifeless.......companions for this life and eternity. Ever thought of it? It has been fated as I have said.

I came across an old wise man who told me this. "Husband and Wife is one life!" This only phrase awaken in me a reality, an understanding that I thought never would be. This awakening becomes my answer to my problems... I came to understand that 'his is also mine, mine is also his....', his problems are also mine, his wrongs or rights are also mine. There is no escape. Never think of fair or not fair....

Yes, there is no escape on fair or not fair, or who is doing the lions share of work or anything..... Another wise old man told me too that if one demands justice in this topic of you love me, so I love you, you give, so I also give; you work, so I work.....there will never be any peace. Where is JUSTICE? Justice cannot be applied in 'male or female equal rights!' The more you fight, the more hurt it will bring.... the more sufferings will be there...

what is justice?????

J

- justice is justice never justified....you demand it, but you will never get it... A tooth for a tooth? haha....

U - Unity is divided when division is done upon what should be or must be instead of following the conscience in our heart where God dwells...

S - Sadness and sorrow will follow you when forums and fights for justice starts...

T - Tomorrow will be better? Will it? If you focus on fighting which is destroying instead of loving which is creating?

I - 'I' or 'Mine' always evoke ego, pride and prejudice when emphasized too much. One hurt will bring more hurts. Hurting so much that one would build a strong wall or fence as self-defence, and poor excuses that definitely are negative.

C - Cause and Result.... think before you speak and do, Watch out for our words, actions, thoughts, characters and hearts! Prevention is so much wiser than cure.....

E - Enough is enough. Stop before going any further in hurting and in revenge. Revenge is sweet but actually is 'living in hell!'

This husband and wife's love is a selfish love, but without it, there will be chaos. A perfect love between spouses will be proven when and where no third party can intrude or go in between them. An imperfect love will allow a third party to interrupt or is that an excuse for some? .

The power of love and sex should never be underestimated. It has moved mountains and created histories of victories and failures. Many heroes still fall onto the feet of beauties, losing fame, families and failing their missions. Too many heroes and heroines are attracted by outer beauty than inner beauty. Too many heroes and heroines preferred to be lured into the fantasies and wonders of forbidden love. The forbidden fruits too delicious to avoid. What can we do?

Who are we to say that they are wrong? Who are we to say that they shouldn't or couldn't do this or that? But it has been written in the 10 commandments that we shouldn't commit adultery. Not the bible only, but wise teachings too. A solid marriage is only solid when both partners agreed to keep it as an eternal bond, otherwise separation is too easy.

Keeping in mind that all humans have weaknesses. To err is human, to forgive is divine. To make mistakes or not to... sometimes this passion or love thing is too complicated to explain or expressed. The efforts put into untangling or disconnecting an affair or forbidden love needs tremendous strong will and determinations..... but for the sake of family happiness and togetherness, things must be solved for the sake of LOVE too.....