HAHA......Don't get me wrong again, look out for the 98% love that I always talk about... [for the sake of some new friends, I might just repeat. The 98% love is referring to love of the divine, parents, siblings, spouse, friends, colleagues, business partners, nature, animal, self and others not mentioned, it is not about the sexology or porn]
Be reprogramming your brain and mind to focus on the wider scope of love and to be in love to experience what love is, you will be very much happier then. well, well, well.... I am talking on how to foster a close and happy relationship between in laws.
Last month, we moved back to live with my spouse's parents. My daughters and son called them grandmama and grandpapa. Our bond was already quite good, but I have noticed that after a month, our bond has been tied even more tightly. I couldn't refrain myself to write about them, of what I see and feel. I couldn't stop myself realizing and embracing the love in between us.
It was a perfect decision that we moved back. I brought back another 5 loving hearts back into this household. When I moved out fourteen years ago, we left them to live by themselves. Now our parents are well into the seventies.
We lived with them and I was tremendously happy to see the love budding amongst them. As I always said, fill your cup of love to the brim and share with others. Your cup of love will be overflowing and radiating. This is a rare treasure and one will only understand when you have tasted the fruits of genuine love that you plant yourself.
Family togetherness is one of our most important goals in our lives. All of us have a home, all of us desire and wish for a happy family bond. Desiring or wishing for one is just the first step towards achieving it. It needs forbearance, reverence, patience, confidence and persistence to invite harmony into the home. It is a task when one comes to the communication towards the elderly. It needs mutual understanding but I am still emphasizing on true love. Show and practise love. This love is unconditional. What can it mean?
Unconditional love should be showered on parents, do you know why? It doesn't mean that your parents or your other parents would take an instant liking to you as a daughter/son-in-law, you have to earn it! Too many cases that I heard about disputes and disharmonies amongst families arose from indiscreet and silent wars among the in-laws. Too many counsellings are done without they themselves practising the advises they give to others.
How do you earn good relationships amongst the in laws?
[1] remain silent to listen to the elderly speaking...
[2] be patient and never raise your voice
[3] even when scolded for things you didn't do or say, keep quiet
[4] accept their disabilities or queer habits
[5] avoid chattering or talking negatives in front of kids or parents
[6] give, never expecting anything in return
[7] try to get them entertained instead of you yourself
[8] don't join the crowd in criticising, blaming, condemning or exaggerating mistakes or topics
[9] don't be afraid of wrinkled hands, face and toothless mouth, one day it is your turn...
[10] try to understand why they act or say things that aren't your usual ways, we come from a different world..
[11] go an extra mile, pamper them with cooking[doing it yourself], or food that they like
[12] know their birthdays, be generous with gifts, and do it with sincerity
[13] show them concern when they are sick or disabled or unhealthy, attend to their needs urgently
[14] bring them for vacation, to some places near or far depending on your financial abilities
[15] bring them shopping for some clothes, foods and things that they prefer, not your choice, but theirs..
[16] make sure that they are provided for in terms of money, comfort or health
[17] accept their friends, their relatives and their neighbours, be on good terms with them too
[18] give them pleasant surprises, try to please them before opening your mouth for something!
[19] learn something from them that you think can be useful, they are more experienced
[20] don't emphasize on your personal needs, go for the family's needs in general
Try all the above, it is never easy, that is why I say it is a task. Start from a step a day, a few steps a day and slowly you will be on you way. To be filial is not by words, it is by actions. What you do, your kids see, what you say, your kids hear, what you think, they know too. They might be just testing you for your forbearance or patience.
Pass the test, the more you give, the more you receive. If you take a step forwards, our parents will take a hundred steps towards us, believe me.
Our subconscious mind is too great in learning and copycatting actions or things silent and fast. Psychologically needing love, craving for love, to love and to be loved are for everybody, silent or spoken. Even a notorious guy wants it. Search for the roots of all things. Love deprived souls needed to be satiated.
How then to obtain total happiness and joy? Plant the tree of love yourself, only then you will be eligible to harvest and test the fruits yourself. You cannot ask or employ other people to do the job and you to harvest and eat the fruits.
Remember? It is an unconditional love for any parents. Do it, for the sake of you yourself and your family. Don't expect anything back, no need to wait. What will happen will happen. This is a grace and your family will be blessed.
Friday, 05 January, 2007
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